The Lesser of Two Weevils: being the writings of two nice ladies

On paper, everything about this month's insemination looks good. My estrogen levels shot up the day after my acupuncture and I had a good-sized follicle on each ovary. We did the first insemination on Wednesday. It was actually quite painful. This was the first time that my own doctor was on call to do the procedure. I think her problem is that she lacks confidence. So she dicked around with three different speculums (specula?), and when she finally inserted the catheter I felt like it actually stabbed me in the uterus. It hurt like hell and made me cry. And I bled afterwards, which has never happened before.

Bitch.

Sometime after the insemination I ovulated on the right side -- excellent timing. When I went back the next day, the follicle on the left side was still there -- so it may have released an egg later that day as well. In any case, I had sperm waiting on one egg and more sperm after the egg released. The second insemination (different doctor) was, if not pleasant, certainly not painful at all. Also much quicker, which is a blessing.

I got my two week supply of hoo-hah bullets (aka progesterone suppositories) and spent the afternoon resting. I coddled myself by taking Friday off as well.

So now, we wait until October 30th. I'm going to ignore any "symptoms" that may arise because everything can be blamed on the progesterone. To tell the truth, I'm not really feeling it this time. Everything was in place and the timing was perfect, but I don't feel like there's anything going on in there. I could be wrong and I'm staying positive. I'm going for an acupuncture appointment this afternoon to help blood flow to the uterus, encouraging implantation. So, we shall see.

M.

I am (quite stupidly) superstitious about reporting any positive news here. We've had a rough time over the past few months, so I'm being very cautious in my optimism. That said, my Day 3 FSH was 7.7, there were follicles present on both ovaries, and my other bloodwork seemed fine, so we're going ahead with planning to inseminate this cycle. I go back in on Saturday for more bloodwork and ultrasound. If all continues to go well, we could be doing the inseminations as early as Monday and Tuesday.

The naturopath is happy with my progress. My yin pulse is much stronger than before (whatever that means), I'm sleeping well, and I'm much calmer and more relaxed. I'm meeting the doctor tomorrow to discuss timing of the inseminations and whether we should use an HcG shot to trigger my ovulation. Last time I used the trigger, I went off about seven hours later -- 10 hours before the insemination. Not good. Hopefully we can do better next time.

Saw Janna in The Sound of Music last night. She was marvellous. The guy playing Captain Von Trapp was kind of a dud, but he had a gorgeous voice. Overall, an excellent evening out. We might go see it again in the new year.

Tetley Decaf Tea is very much like the real thing. I'm even fooled into thinking it's giving me a caffeine boost. Which I need desperately after my late night. *yawn*

M.

Argh. My results from yesterday were not good. My estrogen level fell. The doctor isn't sure why this should be and felt it didn't make sense to continue with this cycle. I was very upset and ate an indeterminate number of white chocolate macadamia cookies. And they weren't even all that good.

I cried on the phone with K (who will be home today, yay!), emailed the sperm bank to cancel my delivery request, and went to bed early feeling sick. I was going to skip listening to the fertility meditation thingy because I was feeling disgusted with the whole process and thinking of just giving up. After tossing and turning for awhile (greatly disturbing Miss Ella), I decided to listen to the damn thing because it makes me sleepy.

It may have worked. When I woke up this morning, I was feeling much more serene. I'm going to book an acupuncture appointment for next week. I called the doctor first thing in the morning and asked if I can continue with cycle monitoring anyway this month as a way to get a handle on what else might be going on. She agreed that we can proceed with Day 10 blood work and ultrasound as a diagnostic cycle - minus the injections. I'm kind of surprised she didn't suggest this herself, actually. I mean, I haven't been monitored throughout my cycle in more than 3 months. It might be interesting to see what size follicles I'm producing, how big they get before I ovulate, if ovulate at all. Especially with the weird estrogen decline.

Plus, it will give me something to do and give the naturopathic treatment extra time to kick in.

And, on the off chance that I produce kick ass follicles and my hormones are looking good, there's no reason we couldn't call the sperm bank and have them do a next-day shipment. You just never know.

M.

Well, my period came exactly on time, for a wonder. Went in this morning for the Day 3 bloodwork and ultrasound. And, Chewie? I got a bad feeling about this. The ultrasound tech didn't say anything, but I sneaked a half-peek at the chart and she seemed to be writing a lot of zeros. As in no antral follicles. As in no point in continuing with this cycle. *sigh*

I'm less worried about the FSH since the doctor said we could proceed as long as it was under 13. But if there are no follicles, there's nothing anyone can do. I'm not going to call in to find out for sure until after work, though. I've just got too much on my plate right now to allow me time to wallow in this. If we can't inseminate this cycle, what I CAN do is work with the naturopath stuff and my general health. All though right now I feel like throwing in the towel. Again.

I don't know what else to do. K's at her mother's this week so I'm just going to have to tough it out and if we're benched for another cycle, I can try to use the time constructively. I've been listening to this every day and doing what I can to "warm" my uterus.

Of course, right now a nice shot of Jim Beam seems like it could warm me up good and proper.

M.

Remember how I said that my sister was all for this baby thing? ( Well, not so much. )

M.

Went to the doctor this morning to find out whether it's worth continuing on the babyquest. She thinks we're still in with a chance. ( Click to learn more about reproductive endocrinology than you ever wanted to know. )

Thank you for all the hugs and good thoughts while I was having my meltdown on Tuesday. It makes a huge difference!

M.

PS - Toronto peeps: Anyone know how to find a good acupuncturist?

Another whacked-out 30-day cycle is over and I had my Day 3 bloodwork and ultrasound this morning.

Now we wait for the phonecall that will tell me whether the cysts are gone. I suspect that everything has cleared up. I just don't feel cyst-y, you know?

They usually call between 11:30 and 2:30. I've been trying to keep my mind off it (especially since I have mounds of work to do), but it keeps popping in there. I won't check my voicemail until 12:30. Okay, maybe 12:15.

In addition to the cyst-watch, I am - as always - anxious to know what my FSH score is. FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) is released by the pituitary on Day 3 of your cycle. It tells the ovaries to wake up and start producing follicles. As you age, the pituitary has to release more and more FSH to get the ovaries to kick over and start. My doctor likened this to pressing the gas pedal harder to get an old car up the hill. Anyway, anything under 10 is good and 11 to 15 indicates diminished ovarian reserve/function. Over 15 and you are pretty much done in the ovary department. So far, I've been in the 6 to 7 range, which is great for someone my age. But I dread hearing that it's creeping up.

Now is the part where I talk about how convinced I am that this cycle will be the one. Because I am. I really think we've ironed out the bugs and everything will work perfectly this time...unless of course, I've still got cysts...

*calls voice mail*

M.

The babymaking hiatus is drawing to a close and we're gearing up for the next cycle.

I've made some interesting observations during this non-insemination cycle. Remember all of those "symptoms" I experienced in the two weeks after each insemination? Even the time when I was convinced that it hadn't worked, I felt strange tremblings and flutterings in my uterine area. I had sore breasts, tiredness, and a couple of bouts of nausea. Over the last two weeks, however? Nada. So either I'm an accomplished hypochondriac or there really was something going on in there. A reason to continue hoping.

On the other hand, my natural, unadulterated period is now two days late. It was due on Tuesday. I've had some low back pain and mild cramping since Monday but nothing's actually flowing. Now the low back is fine and the cramps are all but gone. This isn't my longest cycle ever, but it's longer than I've gone for several months. To ease my mind, I took a home pregnancy test yesterday.

Wouldn't that be a riot if I've actually been pregnant all this time and my last period was just one of those "phantom" periods people sometimes get during early pregnancy? It was much shorter, lighter, and less painful than usual. But, if that's the case, what up with the lack of symptoms? Oy.

Anyway, the test was negative. If I haven't gotten my period by Saturday -- which would be a record-breaking 32-day cycle for me -- I'll try another pee test and maybe call the clinic to schedule a blood test.

Ah, the weirdness of my body. And you there? Yes, I'm talking to you, the nasty voice in my head that's saying this is sudden-onset menopause (if there even is such a thing)? You can just belt up, asshole.

M.

Apparently the third time is not the charm. My period showed up yesterday and I'm starting to despair.

I know that other people go through years of this. But at my age, with only one functioning ovary, there's a point at which it's futile to continue.

We haven't reached that point yet. We're going to do another medicated cycle and this time we're going to do two IUIs on two consecutive days. What happens is, when your follicles are mature, you take an injection that will trigger the release of an egg within 24 to 36 hours. You inseminate the day after you take the shot in the hopes that the sperm will be there waiting when the egg emerges. But defrosted sperm only live for 6 to 18 hours, so you can end up with no viable sperm left by the time the egg emerges. Conversely, the egg is only viable for 24 hours after it's released. Timing is everything. By inseminating 24 hours after the trigger injection and again the next day, we may increase our chances of both parties being alive and well and doing the tango.

At this point, I think it's worth a try. I'm also going to take progesterone after the IUI to help lengthen the amount of time that my uterine lining stays in place to give the fertilized egg a better chance to implant and grow.

That's the game plan for this cycle. They say it's worth trying 4 to 6 medicated IUIs before giving up or moving to IVF. I don't think we can afford IVF. If it doesn't work this time, we might try again with a different donor (sorry, Mike). Sometimes that can make a difference.

Right now, I'm going to drink some rum and get ready to go back on the blood/ultrasound/injection merry-go-round tomorrow.

M.

After almost daily bloodwork and ultrasound, not to mention jabbing myself with 2 or 3 needles every day, we're go for launch at 12:15 this afternoon.

As of yesterday, my "lead" follicle was 2.1 cm -- a very nice size indeed. And I think I actually ovulated in the middle of the night, so she's waiting for the boys to arrive right now.

We have the same doctor as the first time and I have a really, seriously good feeling about it. I'm all a-flutter. I'm going to get preganant and stay pregnant (for at least 39 weeks or so), then deliver a healthy, happy baby. Starting today. *bounce*

M.